Confession and communion preparation for what is needed for the wedding. Sacrament of wedding rules and preparation

Good afternoon
I have questions regarding the sacrament of the wedding: is it necessary to take communion before the wedding (I ask because my husband is baptized, but not churched), can parents hold crowns over those who are getting married, and does it matter which icons of the Savior and the Mother of God should be at the wedding (is it possible to bring the icon of the Mother of God “Guarantee of sinners” and the icon of the Savior Not Made by Hands). I would be grateful if you answer my questions. Save me, God.

Asked by: Julia

Answers:

Christ is Risen!

Dear Julia!

Before the wedding, both the bride and groom need to confess and take communion, observing fasting before this, both in relation to food and entertainment. The preparation time is determined by the blessing of the priest. It is best to take communion directly on the day of the wedding, in this case, you will have to come to the church the night before for the service and confess there, and on the morning of the wedding day, come to the liturgy for communion in the morning. Confession and Communion are necessary in order to proceed to the wedding with a clear conscience before God.

Actually, for the wedding, you need to prepare a new white towel, rings, wedding candles and paired icons of the Savior and the Blessed Virgin Mary (candles and icons are usually purchased in the church itself).

In preparation for the wedding, the towel is spread out in front of the lectern in the middle of the temple, where the wedding will take place; rings (to place them on the Throne) and candles are given to the priest, and icons are placed in the temple (usually near the Royal Doors).

A wedding is not just a beautiful ceremony, it is a special blessing of the Church to those entering family life. And it is very important to approach it prepared, clean, without deceit, so that it does not come to condemnation, but to the salvation of the soul. Then family life will have a solid, unshakable foundation. And all the prayers uttered on this day in the temple will bear their good fruit.

By laying on crowns, the Church gives the bride and groom a special honor for chastity and virginity preserved before marriage. The wedding dress of the bride and the snow-white fabric that is placed under the feet of the newlyweds have the same meaning. From those who have sinned before marriage, the Church, of course, requires repentance and confession before a priest, followed by Communion.

The basic rules are these. Those who are getting married must be baptized in Orthodoxy and, of course, the newlyweds must be registered in the registry office.

During the civil registration of marriage, it is appropriate to skip the engagement rings, borrowed from the church in Soviet times. The first to betroth the newlyweds with rings should be a priest, and not an employee of the registry office. At a minimum, this is a sign of culture in relation to the Church.

At the same time, the Church does not bless the marriage if one of the newlyweds (or both) declares himself a convinced atheist who came to the temple only at the insistence of his spouse or parents.

Parents of the young before their wedding bless their children with holy icons. The future husband - the icon of Christ the Savior, the wife - the icon of the Virgin. Parents baptize their children with these icons and give them the holy images to kiss, thus teaching their parental blessing for marriage.

The day and time of the wedding must be agreed in advance (at least a week in advance) in the temple. And on the day of a happy event, you need to come to the temple at the appointed time in clothes that meet the standards of church decency. For both spouses, pectoral crosses are required.

It is desirable to have witnesses - men and women baptized in Orthodoxy, they will hold crowns over the heads of the newlyweds. But the parents of the bride and groom, of course, can hold crowns.

Wedding rings, wedding candles, icons of the Savior and the Mother of God, as well as a piece of white linen or a towel, which is placed under the feet of those who are getting married, are also needed for the wedding.

At the same time, the bride should keep in mind that she may have obstacles to participating in the Sacrament of the wedding, so she must calculate her women's calendar in advance and choose a day for the wedding so that there are no such obstacles. The same applies to all other church sacraments.

The Orthodox Church makes some requirements for the appearance of the bride:

1. Make-up should be minimal, almost imperceptible, manicure is inconspicuous, perfume is not strong (and it will be better if you find the strength to do without all this at all); lipstick on the lips is unacceptable, as you will be applied to the icons;

2. Headwear for the bride (veil, headscarf) is required. Please note that a long and lush veil can be ruined if it touches burning candles.

3. Women's pantsuit is not allowed;

4. Shoulders, back and chest should be covered. If your dress is too revealing, take care of the cape;

It is necessary to say about the superstitions associated with the wedding. So, there is a belief that an accidentally fallen ring or an extinguished wedding candle portends all sorts of misfortunes, a difficult life in marriage, or the early death of one of the spouses. There is also a widespread superstition that the one of the newlyweds, who is the first to step on the spread towel, will dominate the family all his life. Some people think that it is impossible to get married in May - "then you will toil all your life." All these fictions should not excite your heart.

God help you! May the Lord grant you family peace and prosperity!

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Submit an application... Buy rings... Choose a dress... Set a date... Send out invitations... Costume... Hairstyle... Sign... Arrange in the church... Organize a festive dinner... At least calm down a little... Hairstyle, hairstyle! Forget about signs... But how??? And then - "once and for life!" ...

The section “Questions to the Rector” very often receives questions about how to choose wedding rings, candles and icons, whether it is necessary to confess before the Wedding, in what cases it is possible (if at all) to get married before registering with the registry office. It is not surprising that Orthodox Christians try to carefully prepare for the Sacrament in order to understand and prayerfully feel every word. All the external details accompanying this divine service are also symbolic... The questions related to this eternal theme are answered by Fr. Maxim Kozlov, rector of our church.

- How to choose the right wedding date?

It is most prudent to marry not on a certain day, but when two people have decided in the firm intention to go hand in hand all their lives, have passed a sufficient period of preliminary communication in order to get to know each other better in order to understand that their intention is firm and final. , took care of the civil registration of marriage, did not forget about the desirability of receiving a parental blessing for marriage and, having spoken, prayed, confessed, partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ, they approach the Sacrament of the Wedding.

You can find out on what days the Wedding takes place in any church calendar, as well as on the Internet (they do not crown during all four multi-day fasts; during the Cheese Week (Shrovetide); on the Bright (Easter) Week; during Christmas time; on the eve twelve and great feasts; on the eve of fasting days - Wednesday and Friday, as well as on Saturdays throughout the year; on the eve and on the day of the feast of the Beheading of John the Baptist; on the eve and on the day of the feast of the Exaltation of the Cross of the Lord; on the eve of the patronal feasts of the church in which they plan perform the Mystery). The Orthodox Church does not regulate the days of civil registration in any way: you can also sign for Great Lent, if you realize this only as a preparatory stage for the creation of a legal church marriage. The Church also does not distinguish between happy and unlucky days for marriage, and restrictions on the performance of the Sacrament of the Wedding are associated with the Lenten Charter. The dependence of the wedding date on birthdays is also a superstitious notion that Orthodox Christians should not adhere to.

- Is it possible to get married without registering marriage in the registry office? After all, the Bible does not say anything about the registry offices.

Of course, in the Holy Scriptures of the Old and New Testaments, the registry office cannot be mentioned for obvious reasons. This institution arose in the Soviet Union many centuries after the formation of the books of the Old and New Testaments. Nevertheless, another very important principle follows from the Holy Scriptures: a believer in God strives to be obedient to those commandments and rules that are established in the God-established Church. And this principle has been invariably preserved in the Orthodox Church for about two millennia among those who aspire to be her faithful children. If today the hierarchy determines that, as a preliminary act before the wedding, one should undergo civil registration of marriage on the territory of the Russian Federation, then this should be done without considering oneself smarter than the Patriarch, the Synod, the bishops and bishops who established this rule in the Church.

- Can there be exceptions to the rule on pre-registration of marriage?

In the Orthodox Church, weddings without registration are allowed as an absolute exception, in extreme cases: before a life-threatening operation, when sent to the North Pole, etc. In all other cases, the spouses must register their marriage in the registry office and only after that proceed with Mystery of the Wedding. Here is what we read about this issue in the Fundamentals of the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church, section X - “Issues of Personal, Family and Public Morality”: “According to Roman law, which formed the basis of the civil codes of most states, marriage is an agreement between two free in its choice by the parties. The Church accepted this definition of marriage, comprehending it on the basis of the evidence of Holy Scripture... Thus, Athenagoras in his Apology to the Emperor Marcus Aurelius (II century) writes: ". The Apostolic Ordinances, a 4th-century monument, exhort Christians to marry in accordance with the law.

The Church does not consider a secular marriage, registered by the state, as something that does not mean anything at all, but considers it to be some necessary preliminary to the Wedding. One of the indications that people approach the wedding responsibly is that they have already gone through all the necessary formalities associated with the civil registration of their union.

Nevertheless, the Church is separated from the state, and it is not clear why the church requires a certificate of marriage registration.

The church is, of course, separated from the state. The meaning here is rather pedagogical: now people with varying degrees of responsibility and seriousness approach them for the sacraments of the church. We all know this from the example of the sacrament of Baptism, when out of the millions of people who have been baptized over the past 15-20 years, only a relatively small percentage have become those people who can be said to be church-going, consciously believing Orthodox Christians. The same thing is observed to a certain extent today with regard to the sacrament of the Wedding. Often people who want to get married are guided not by the desire to build a family as a small Church, but by considerations of aesthetic, traditionalist or some other kind. And in this sense, the presence of civil registration of marriage before the sacrament of the Wedding is at least some evidence of the seriousness of their intentions in building family life. And for an ecclesiastical person, to whom the primary significance of the Wedding over civil registration is obvious, it cannot be difficult to go through the latter, so that what is done before God would have a legal character before people and society.

- How to relate to the marriage contract?

As for a contract that is understandable for people who do not believe and are not sure that their current cohabitation (I use this word in terms of Roman law) is final and that you can trust your current life partner in everything. And indeed, if you have a lot of money and you assume that, perhaps, those material benefits that a person entering into marriage with you acquires through you attract him more than you yourself, then why not insure yourself ?! But it is clear that this kind of relationship cannot take place in the structure of an Orthodox family. If we proceed from the fact that monogamy is the only norm for a Christian and that the wedding unites husband and wife forever, then what kind of reservations in their property status can we talk about?

- Is it necessary to confess and take communion before the wedding?

It cannot be said that this is absolutely necessary, but there can be no better preparation for the Wedding than prayerful, repentant. Coming together to the Chalice, young people can already begin to understand what it means to build a Small Church.

- Often a wedding for unbelieving young people becomes just a part of the wedding ceremony.

Even in such a situation, getting married is still better than not getting married, because the grace of God makes people wiser. But of course, the seeds are sown, and the person himself must cultivate them. It is important that young people realize that vows are pronounced in the Sacrament of the Wedding, which cannot be broken.

- What is the role of the witnesses at the wedding?

From the point of view of the meaning of the Sacrament of the Wedding and its ceremonial side, the so-called witnesses - more precisely, to call them "friends of the groom" - do not play any sacramental, that is, significant from the point of view of content, role in the ceremony. They are not at all like the recipients at the sacrament of Baptism. By the way, it should be pointed out that the practice that has now spread, that a man holds a crown over the groom, and a girl over the bride, is a direct borrowing from the practice of the registry office. Before the revolution, crowns were always held by men, which is understandable, because it is not physically easy either - it is not the easiest crown to hold on an outstretched hand for quite a long time. The question is often asked as to whether a spiritual relationship is created between the witnesses, which can become an obstacle to their subsequent marriage. However, it is clear: if in the tradition both witnesses are men, then there can be no ban on their subsequent joint marriage. Thus, nothing prevents a young man and a girl or a man and a woman, who were witnesses at the Wedding, from starting a family in the future.

It is prudent to invite only Orthodox Christians as witnesses, and consider the rest from a practical point of view: the growth and physical endurance of the "friends of the groom."

- How to choose the church where the wedding will take place?

Question about specific location holding a wedding for people who are permanent parishioners of a particular church is usually not worth it. Of course, the Sacrament is performed in "one's own" temple; if the confessor for any reason serves in another church, then the wedding can be performed there. Those who do not belong to this or that parish must decide where the Wedding will take place. After the choice is made, some organizational issues need to be resolved.

In many temples there is a pre-registration, and the problem with it must be resolved in advance. Any relative can do this, the presence of the bride and groom is not necessary. If there is a desire for a specific priest to crown, it is necessary to discuss this issue with him, otherwise the Sacrament will be performed by the priest whose “turn” falls on that day.

- What do you need to get married?

To perform the wedding, rings are needed, the so-called wedding pair of icons - with the image of the Savior and the Mother of God, wedding candles and a towel. Undoubtedly, those bride and groom who, before the Wedding, come to confession and partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ some time before the Wedding, will act prudently and correctly.

- What should be the wedding rings?

Traditional for the Orthodox Church is the use of wedding rings without stones and jewelry. In principle, the color of the rings, that is, the metal from which the rings are made, has absolutely nothing to do with the essence of the Sacrament of the Wedding. However, if the newlyweds certainly want to use rings with stones or with a prayer, which is now becoming fashionable among those entering into marriage, they should consult in the parish where they intend to perform the Sacrament of the Wedding, about the possibility of using specific selected rings.

- Is it important which icon of the Mother of God will be used as a wedding icon?

Any canonical image of the Mother of God can be used. Most often these are Vladimir, Kazan, Feodorovskaya, Donskaya icons. Previously, these icons were taken from parental homes, they were passed on as a home shrine from parents to children. Icons are brought by parents, and if they do not participate in the Sacrament of the Wedding - by the bride and groom.

- By tradition, after the wedding, everyone gathers at the festive table. How to make sure that, on the one hand, you don’t have to blush, as often happens, for unrestrained fun, and on the other hand, so that it doesn’t turn into boring gatherings?

To do this, you need to prepare for the festive meal. And not so much by the young themselves, who naturally focus on something else, but by their loved ones and friends who love them. Relatives should take care that the amount of alcohol per capita at the wedding feast does not exceed the measure that the Holy Scripture speaks of when "wine gladdens the soul of a man." It amuses, and does not introduce into a state of stupefaction or senseless euphoria, or, moreover, moves to a horizontal position.

Perhaps you even need to take care of some scenario of the wedding day, in which wishes from relatives and friends should be combined with non-sinful entertainment. It can also be mutual testing of the bride and groom for knowledge of each other, which, of course, for the most part will turn into ignorance and thus a lesson for themselves. These can be kind songs that sound so natural at a wedding. It can be some kind of general game. The main thing is not to create an atmosphere that usually happens at concerts of popular music, an atmosphere of a triumphant collective unconscious, when those who were just normal individuals merge into a single, creative, multifaceted, multilingual, but stupid mass. Avoiding this at the wedding feast is extremely important.

In the good traditions of a number of past centuries, it was accepted that the bride and groom are present only at the first part of the wedding meal, and then leave it. In the XVI-XVII centuries it was very beautiful and solemn. In subsequent centuries, this already came out of both the ritual and everyday areas of life. Although, as a rule, the bride and groom did not have to sit at the table until the last guests left.

In my opinion, today it is becoming a good practice, of course, if there is such an opportunity, for the newlyweds to go directly from the wedding ball to the ship, or to the plane, or to the train, leave the usual worldly cares, triumphant loved ones and relatives and be alone for a while. If there is no money to go somewhere far away, then you can go to live with friends in the country or to someone in an empty apartment, so long as no one disturbs the newlyweds for some time.

Despite the fact that church marriage is not mandatory in Russia and the CIS countries, many couples decide to take this important step. And if some families sincerely want to marry in heaven as a sign of confirmation of pure love and faith in God, then others simply follow the fashion, including the sacrament in the wedding plan.

For whatever reason you decide to get married, the wedding portal site reminds you: be sure to follow the church rules for preparing for the sacrament!

Before the wedding: will there be a sacrament?

Before you start preparing for the wedding, you need to find out if the church will allow your couple to marry in church. After all, there are prescribed taboos for the ceremony.

The wedding will not take place if:

If at least one of the above points takes place, alas, the church will not be able to bless your union.

Are there any obstacles to the sacrament? Then we offer you a small instruction in preparing for the wedding:

The wedding ceremony in the Orthodox Church is held only if the couple has formalized the relationship. It doesn’t matter if you decide to seal your union directly on the day of the celebration or years later, the church may be asked to provide a marriage certificate.

Confession and Communion before the wedding

The decision to get married should not be made spontaneously. Everyone in a couple should be sincerely sure of their intentions. An important role is given to the purification of the soul with the help of prayers, Confession and Communion.

The most detailed information on how to prepare for the rites will be told to you in the church. Feel free to ask questions of interest, because this will help to avoid embarrassing situations directly during the rites.

Fasting must be observed before Communion and Confession. For three days, the newlyweds read prayers (the priest will tell you which ones), attend evening services, and refuse sexual relations for this period. Eggs, meat and dairy products will have to be excluded from food. All this must be observed before the preparatory rites for the wedding.

One of the main tasks of the church is to help a person perfect his own soul. Church teachings call to get rid of evil thoughts, empty and swear words, to accept everything humbly and calmly.

As a rule, Confession and Communion take place immediately before the wedding. But this is not a requirement. The bride and groom can visit the church the day before and separately.

Each church rite is aimed at healing the human soul. And if you really decide to seal your relationship with a Church marriage, then both should want this. And the groom. And the bride.

The Svadbagolik.ru portal advises only those couples who are confident in the strength and purity of love in the family to go to church. This may take years, even decades of married life. But only then will you be able to fully appreciate the depth and significance of the sacrament of the wedding. And the question of how to prepare for the wedding will be treated with maximum responsibility.

On all sites I read about Confession and Communion before the Wedding. But for certain reasons, my husband and I do not want to confess and cannot. To what extent is it possible to perform a Wedding without Confession? Will it be considered valid? Or will we be refused a wedding in general if we honestly answer the priest that we did not confess?

accountant

Dear Maria, you speak out, at least mysteriously: the reasons why two people do not want and cannot confess are incomprehensible. Any person can confess, the most serious sinner can repent before the Cross and the Gospel. But you really don't want to. This reluctance arises from our understanding that, having named sin, we will have to fight against it and not return to it, which we may not want. It is hard to imagine what other reasons there are for refusing confession. Working in the secret service? But you will not be required to disclose professional secrets, to give out state and military secrets.

Rather, I have a question for you: why get married if, as you write, there is neither the desire nor the opportunity to take part in the Sacraments of the Church? For only the one who confesses can proceed to the apex sacrament of the Church - the reception of the Holy Mysteries of Christ. After all, the wedding is a testimony from the bride and groom that they are striving to create a family of two Orthodox people, in the center of which will be Christ with the norms of life and rules that He established. And among them there is, of course, the establishment of the Church Sacraments of Confession and Communion. So it is at least illogical to strive to get married with this kind of attitude towards the Sacraments.

I have never been to confession. I know that before the wedding you need to confess and take communion. How does confession take place? How is confession different at a wedding? Do they confess together with the future husband or does it happen alone with the priest? Can a priest refuse a wedding after confession?

accountant

Novosibirsk

Dear Marina, confession is a sacrament in which the confessor of his sins, with a visible expression of forgiveness from the priest, is invisibly resolved from sins by the Lord Himself. Confession in churches is done in the following way. The priest, standing near the lectern, on which there is a cross and the Gospel (a sign of the invisible presence of the Lord), reads a special prayer sequence to those who wish to confess, after which an individual secret confession of each of the penitents follows. During confession, it should be remembered that our main goal is to open our broken heart before God with all sincerity, and not try to find an excuse for our actions. We should repent of specific personal sins that we are aware of and cause a feeling of repentance. Coming to confession, one should discard any embarrassment before the priest, confess to him sincerely and in everything, remembering both the mystery of confession and the fact that the priest fully understands the circumstances of human life; he is not a harsh judge, but an assistant in bringing our repentance to God. At the end of confession, the priest covers the head of the penitent with an epitrachelion, reads over him a permissive prayer, while pronouncing the words of which he overshadows the head of the confessor with the sign of the cross. After that, the confessor kisses the cross and the Gospel and takes a blessing from the priest, after which he leaves, making way for the next confessor. If you come to confession for the first time and are having difficulty about what and how to repent, it is best to immediately tell the priest about it. By asking certain questions, he will be able to help you bring sincere and comprehensive repentance.

Confession at a wedding is not fundamentally different, because confession at a wedding, like any other confession, should be an opening of one’s soul before God and bringing to God the determination not to return to those sins in which we repent. But in particular, it is worth thinking about what we were to blame for in relation to our future spouse. Confession, even of a husband and wife, never takes place collectively. We confess to God, and the priest is a witness, and in this case, God, who receives confession, the person who confesses, and the priest, who testifies on behalf of the Church and helps him in repentance - these are the three participants in each confession.

Can a priest refuse a wedding after confession? Only in the most exceptional situations. But, as a rule, this is not due to the sins we committed before the wedding, but to the fact that the priest comes to a deep conviction of the frivolity and groundlessness of the approach to the wedding of people who seek to receive a church blessing for marriage. As it seems already by the fact of writing a letter by you, and a sincere letter, it is hardly possible to assume the latter.